If you know the person well, it might seem obvious to you when they’re feeling nervous. However, when you’re just getting to know someone, you might look for tells like fidgeting, nail-biting, or pacing.
For instance, don’t say, “Calm down, you’re being ridiculous!” Instead, you might say something like, “The first day at a new school can be scary, but I know you’re going to do awesome. "
For instance, you might seem unsympathetic if you say something like, “Making a speech is no big deal, I do it all the time. " Instead, you might say, “Getting ready for your first speech can be really hard. I’d be happy to help you rehearse if you’d like. "
For example, you might say, “Being nervous doesn’t mean you can’t do it! Even world-class athletes still get nervous before a big game. "
Sometimes, just telling the person a story about your day will be enough to take their mind off of their nerves, at least for a little while.
For instance, if you’re talking to someone who’s nervous about getting on a plane for the first time, you might say things like “Hey, we can handle this! Do you want me to drive you to the airport?” and “You can use the plane’s Wi-Fi to message me through the whole flight, if you want. "
You can also help the person notice the physical world around them. For instance, you might help them feel grounded by lightly placing your hand on their arm, shoulder, or back. If you’re close, you might offer them a hug, as well. If you don’t know the person well or they’re not comfortable being touched, you might ask them to name 5 things they can see, 4 things they can touch, 3 things they can hear, 2 things they can smell, and 1 thing they can taste. Focusing on their senses can help lessen their overwhelming feeling of panic. [8] X Trustworthy Source University of Rochester Medical Center Leading academic medical center in the U. S. focused on clinical care and research Go to source
If the person is nervous about a test, for instance, you might say something like, “How can I help you study? Would it help if we made flashcards?” If they’re nervous about a presentation, offer to listen to them rehearse. You might also time their presentation, or you could even videotape it so they can see where they might need to make changes.
For instance, if someone is nervous about a job interview, their preparation steps might be to practice answering interview questions in the week before the interview, to lay out their clothing and get a good night’s sleep the night before, and to have a good breakfast before the interview. If someone has a presentation coming up for work, their steps might be to gather the data they need, create slides or an outline, and rehearse the presentation out loud.
For instance, if you have a child who’s nervous about applying to college, it wouldn’t be helpful to fill out their college applications or write an essay for them. However, you might offer to help them gather and organize important documents, like any letters of reference or their immunization documents.
If you don’t want to cook, try ordering food from a restaurant they like. If their event is later in the day, you might offer to make them breakfast that morning, instead.
Consider combining this with positive affirmations like “I can do this!” or “I am strong, smart, and confident. "
Once you feel better, you can go back to helping the other person.
